Maybe you’re facing a big decision and you’re struggling to make it. You’re afraid of choosing wrong, so you don’t choose at all.
In this article, I’m going to show you a quick way to beat the overthinking and get unstuck fast. It takes about 10 minutes. You can do it tonight, and by the end, you’ll have one calm, obvious next step you can act on.
Imaginary Scenario: The Big Job Decision
So, imagine this: You’ve got a job offer in another city. You open a fresh page and write, “What do I want?” Then, you list the pros and cons. You watch the videos about the city and ask three friends what they think. Then you redraw the budget twice.
A week goes by, then two, and you keep waiting for something to click—for the moment when this decision will become obvious—but unfortunately, it doesn’t come around. Every time you think you’re close, a new question pops up and you’re back at zero.
Or swap the scene. Maybe you’re in a relationship that’s mostly good, but something’s off. So, you journal and read articles and take long drives to clear your head. You keep hoping for a sign that will tell you which way to go, but the sign never shows up.
No matter how hard you try to think through this decision, nothing is working.
In a minute, I’m going to show you a short 10-minute move you can do tonight to help you make that decision. But first, I want you to see why the usual way we try to find clear answers just doesn’t work.
When You Try To Make That Decision With Logic Alone
When you’re facing a life transition, the brain doesn’t have enough real-world information to make a confident call. So, it loops around and around, and you stay stuck.
One reason for this is that often we just have too many options.
Imagine standing in a store with six choices for peanut butter versus 30. With six, you can pick one and move on. But with 30, you hesitate, second guess, pick one up, then pick up another one, and walk away, maybe even without choosing.
That’s what endless research does to this big decision you’re trying to make. It just keeps adding more jars of peanut butter to the shelf!
Another reason we can’t figure this out is that we misjudge the future. We tell ourselves, “If I choose wrong, I’ll be miserable for years.” Or, “If I choose right, I’ll be happy forever!”
Psychologists call this impact bias. We overestimate how big and how long our emotional reactions to this decision will be. So, when a choice feels like it’ll make or break your entire life, you delay making that choice because you don’t want to regret it.
When You Make That Decision Inside A Life Transition
Obviously, when we’re trying to figure out where we want to go next, we want a clear answer. We really crave that, which is why we overthink it.
But the truth is that when it comes to life decisions, clarity doesn’t come first. It comes last.
We enter a middle space that feels foggy, and only later does the new beginning actually start to take shape.
William Bridges, who was an American researcher and consultant who studied how people handle big life changes like these, figured this out. He wrote two books on the subject, Transitions and Managing Transitions, and he created a plain language model of what we go through inside during change.
His model has three stages:
- Ending, where you let go of what was,
- the neutral zone, which is kind of this uncomfortable in-between place where things are really foggy and we don’t really know where we’re going but we know that where we’ve been isn’t right anymore;
- and a new beginning, which is the new direction that finally begins to take shape, but only after time.
Bridges’ point is that clarity often arrives at the end, not the start. First, you’re going to feel the loss of the old thing. And then you’re going to wander through this uncertain middle phase that’s just uncomfortable. Only after that does the new identity or direction become clear.
That middle neutral zone can feel really empty and confusing. But what helps is knowing that it’s a normal part of the process.
So, if we can’t get the clear answer we want right away so we can make that decision, does that mean we have to stay stuck in not knowing for a really long time?
Not necessarily. There’s something you can do right now to start moving again.
A 10-Minute Rant To Help You Make That Decision
Here’s how it works. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Then, grab a notebook or open a voice memo, whatever feels easier.
Then, start a rant. That’s right. You get to go on a little rant here!
And you’re going to start with this sentence:
“If one more day goes by where I have to _____ or pretend that _____ or feel like _____, I might scream!”
And then go fill out this sentence.
What you’re trying to do here is tap into what is wrong with the life you’re in right now. What is wrong with the job? What is wrong with the location? What is wrong with the relationship? What is wrong with your lack of purpose?
Whatever it is, this is your chance to just let whatever wants to come out, come out.
It’s like releasing a pressure valve, a way to clear the fog by naming what your body already knows is not working. Sometimes when we release that pressure, the intuition finally has room to come forward and tell you what it already knows.
When the 10-minute timer goes off, take a breath and look back at what you wrote. And then answer these three questions.
Three More Helpful Questions
1. What did you discover that you’re done pretending not to feel?
A lot of times when we’re in a place of life transition, we try to act like everything’s fine. We pretend not to feel this discomfort or unease or stress or whatever it is that we feel in this middle place. But this exercise gives you a chance to get that out. That helps you to get closer to the truth that’s inside your inner self.
2. What feels heavier than it should?
This asks you to identify what you’ve been carrying around for a while. If this life you’re in right now is just not working for whatever reason, likely there’s going to be some heaviness that you’re carrying around. You’re trying to continue in that life as you always have when you know that it doesn’t quite fit anymore.
3. What’s quietly asking to be done, released, or outgrown?
Write on that question for a while because after your rant, some of these things are going to bubble up. What’s asking to be let go of right now?
A lot of times when we think about this, we get a little afraid. but you don’t have to take any action right now. All you have to do is write it down. Just be real with yourself. You don’t have to fix anything after this exercise. But what you did is you just gave your intuition a microphone.
Seeing What You Don’t Want So You Can Make That Decision
Here’s where it gets interesting. Everything you just named—the roles you’re tired of, the parts that feel too small, the things you’re tired of pretending about, the things that are too heavy or too hollow—that’s more than just a list of complaints.
It’s actually a list of clues.
Inside every one of those so-called complaints or statements where you say, “I’m sick of this!” is the seed of what you do want. If you name what isn’t working anymore, then your brain is easily going to turn around and say, “Well, what is it I do want?” Your intuition is going to lead you toward that.
So, if you’re tired of pretending everything is fine, maybe part of you is ready to be honest. If you’re exhausted from holding everything together, then maybe you’re really ready to take the risks you need to take to create something that’s going to be more energizing for you. If you’re dreading another year of the same old routine, maybe you’re craving more aliveness, something that wakes you back up.
Your Weekly Investigation To Help You Make That Decision
Sometime this week, read your rant again and then do this: Pick one sentence that feels the strongest. Maybe it’s something you really meant or something that made you feel a lot of emotion. And then ask this question.
What does this sentence show me about what I don’t want anymore?
Give that time for that answer to come up. And then ask this second question.
What might it be trying to tell me about what I do want instead?
You don’t have to have all the answers right now, but the one sentence that you pick that has a lot of emotion in it or a lot of charge in it is going to help you name what’s no longer right for you. And once you can see what doesn’t fit, it becomes a little easier to notice what might.
If you want more help spotting the signs that something in your life is ready to shift, be sure to grab my free Signals Journal. It’ll walk you through seven common signals that show up when change is calling to you.
Featured image by ABHIJEET SINGH via Pexels.