Starting over in life can be stressful, particularly if you’re blaming yourself.
Have you ever felt when you’re going through a life transition that you’re doing something wrong?
Like maybe you had a job change or relationship change or midlife change, whatever it might be, and the life you built is no longer working and that feels somehow like you failed.
You’re not alone. I’ve felt that too. But it’s not true—starting over in life is actually more normal than you think.
Why Starting Over in Life Feels Like Failure
When we’re going through life transitions, we can feel like we have really dropped the ball. I remember when I went through college and I had gotten a degree to be a music educator in the school systems. Then when I got out, I didn’t want to do that anymore.
I love teaching music and I still teach it to this day privately. But I didn’t want to go full-time in the school system. So I took a break, but I was feeling that all that time I’d spent in college had been a waste because now I wasn’t going to go use that degree for what I had planned to use it for.
I think anytime we go through a transition, we can feel this way.
My Education Wasn’t Wasted After All
As it turned out, I have now been a private music teacher for over 30 years. I’ve continued to play in professional groups. So of course, my education was not wasted because I still use it every day in the music activities that I do.
But I did not end up being a teacher in the school system. I ended up becoming a writer.
Sometimes we just need some time to figure out where we really want to go, and to allow ourselves to grow to the point where we can step into that next place that we’re meant to be.
Starting Over in Life: From Music Teacher to Corporate Writer
I went ahead and I got a job as a writer. I started working in a corporation, which talk about being different from what I planned! I was going to be a music educator. Now I’m a corporate cog. I’m a copywriter in a corporation.
I’m grateful for that experience. It really helped set me up for a writing career. But after about three years, it was like, okay, um, this isn’t really it either.
And again, I kind of felt like, am I failing here? To think that I didn’t want to keep climbing the corporate ladder, so to speak.
I had already been doing that. I started out as an associate copywriter and was promoted several times so that by the time the three years came around I was managing editor. I was getting good benefits. There was a higher salary. There were a lot of good things to go along with that.
But my intuition was telling me, Meh, this isn’t really it. I don’t want to be here the rest of my life. This isn’t what I want to be doing.
Starting Over in Life Again: Becoming an Entrepreneur
I wanted to go have my own time and be able to write and publish a novel. So I went through this transition and went out and became a freelance writer, which was entirely different again. I went from music educator to corporate cog and then starting my own business, which I was totally unprepared for. I hadn’t gotten any education for that. So again, it was this huge change.
I think anytime we go through changes like this, they’re confusing. They’re stressful. They cause anxiety. We don’t know if we’re going the right direction. And we can often feel like we must have failed because we aren’t doing what we had planned to do.
Starting Over in Life Is Normal, Not Failure
There have been many more transitions in my life, and I bet if you look back on your life, you might find that the same thing is true.
With the benefit of hindsight, we can say, “You know what? Each one of those helped me. Each one of those transitions helped me become the next version of myself.”
What I’ve learned is that these transitions are not unusual. They’re like how life works.
Life works by taking us to a certain level. We get competent at what we’re doing and we feel confident about this place we’re in. And it’s like the second we kind of start to feel comfortable, life comes along and changes it again.
I don’t think this is by accident. I think this is how life helps us to become more and more as we grow. It helps us evolve into better and better versions of ourselves.
You Can’t Coast Forever When Starting Over in Life
Now here I am in my 50s and I thought for sure now, you know, I could just relax and coast. I could have this career that I’ve built and everything will be easier from now on.
And that’s when my life was like, “Uh, no, you have to keep growing. It’s time to grow again.”
Every so often, I have experienced this in my life. Things turn upside down or things start changing or things get uncomfortable again.
And suddenly I can see that the way that things were going, all the things that I learned to manage that part of my life, are no longer working as well. Suddenly I am required to grow again.
These transition times are not abnormal. They do not mean that you failed. They simply mean that life is saying it’s time to go a new direction. And it’s going to kind of push you, usually. Even if you don’t want to go along!
When Life Pushes You Into Starting Over
For the last three years, my life has been telling me that it was time to change again. And I was like, “No, I don’t want to. I’m in my 50s. I should be able to just relax now and take it easy.”
And my life was like, “No, that’s not what’s going to happen here. And if you don’t do it, then we’re going to help you. We’re going to push you into doing it.”
And that’s kind of what’s been happening. And now, at this point, I’m really grateful for that because I’m starting to now see more and more of this new person that I’m going to be evolving into, what life is kind of calling me to as my next step.
And I can see that that’s going to be really exciting and I’m going to enjoy that. And actually, with the gift of hindsight, I can look back and say, this is where I’ve been going all along. All this time, life has been bringing to what’s happening next.
Finding Peace When Starting Over in Life
My point is hopefully to help you if you are in a transition period right now too. Maybe you’re feeling like you’ve failed or you should be at a resting place right now. Maybe you were really hoping that this life you built up to this point would be your success, your plateau, or your life from now on.
And if it isn’t, and if things are happening that are letting you know that it isn’t, that that’s actually the way it’s supposed to work. That’s actually perfectly normal, perfectly okay. Life is asking you to grow again.
We do so much better when we accept that.
I found that when I finally said, “Okay, fine, life, we have to change again. I have to learn again. I have to go through this transition again.” When I finally accepted that, things got so much better.
I realized I was going to have to start learning again, start stretching myself, getting outside of my comfort zone again. But that’s actually a good thing.
Once I start doing that, I get excited and my motivation kicks up. Suddenly I’m like, “I’m all in now, life. Let’s do it. Let’s do this new change, whatever this is. Let’s go. I’m on board now with this.”
When I finally get to that point—which sometimes takes time!— things get a lot better. Things get easier.
Already my life is moving around me in positive ways to let me know that I’m going the right direction.
Watching for Life Signals When Starting Over
Accepting this change helps, and then following the system that I talk about here on Next Story Project as far as watching for life signals, seeing what they’re trying to tell you and then taking little steps to see if what you’re interpreting those signals to mean is actually what they mean.
When I say signals, I just mean things in your life that signal it’s time for a change.
So, it might be something as huge as a job loss. But it could also be feeling uncomfortable with where you are right now, or having a conversation with somebody that makes it plain that you need to make a change in life, even if you don’t know what that is right now.
Be Kind to Yourself
So go a little easier on yourself. Be kinder to yourself.
If you’re going through a transition, it’s not unusual. You’re not failing. That’s just the way life works.
See if you can get to where you can just accept that it’s time again for a change. Even that simple step will help make things a little easier.
Note: To find out if your life is asking for a change, check out my free Signals Journal here.
Photo by Jukan Tateisi on Unsplash.